PIG CIRCUS PART IV, jumping thru hoops on a short leash

After leaving the court house I was following my court ordered directions to go to a company a block up the road (talk about dirty bed fellows) to get the information I need as to which flaming hoops to jump thru. A week later and I receive a letter in the mail stating that I should mail the $150.00 and then a phone interview would be scheduled. During this 35 minute inquisition my drug and alcohol history was examined, and at the end of the assessment the following summation is what I heard; Its actually a good thing that this happened to you. Your next step was to become an alcoholic. In my head I was thinking "you bloody freakin gash! I had quit using illegal drugs. I have stopped drinking hard liquor. My beer intake has been reduced and you say there is a definite pattern here. One that shows that I was soon to become an alcoholic?" She then gave me the names and numbers of agencies in WA that comply with the OR program. So I set up an intake interview for a lowly sum of $75.00 only to be asked the same questions and be told that I have an alcohol abuse disorder. So now I have been enrolled in an alcohol diversion program.

For the next six months I am required to attend weekly "treatments', ATTEND AA meetings once a week. Submit a urine sample each month for drug and alcohol screening, attend a victims panel, get a TB test (?) and go to an all day alcohol education class (maybe they think I want to be a bartender) and jump any time they say jump. All of this for the combined total of $999.00. Add the $225.00 and this stage of the circus comes to $1224.00. Plus there is the time that I will never get back.

Now, I had told my lawyer that I just wanted to plead guilty and get this over with. Cost wise, the fines would have been equal and possibly less if they gave me the minimum $1000.00. Time wise, for a first offense it would most likely have been two weeks (the way my job has been going two weeks in jail would be a nice get away), now I have six months on a short leash. The benefit is instead of a one year suspension I only have 90 days, but that is in OR. I still have my driving privileges in WA. Also, my insurance company wont find out.

At this point, and also at court, you have little option as to what road to take. If you say you don't want to do the diversion program, or you drop out of it, the court takes it as a slap in the face. They know what is best for you and if you don't follow your road will only be rougher. (Sounds like our federal govt/current administration doesn't it?) So until the end of February I will be living life high and dry. I do have a plan to get me thru this, part of which will be buying four beers every other Friday and squirreling them away until I'm done with the program. The other part is an ancient Chinese secret.

So here is my refrigerator as of today. Yes there is beer in there. Three bottle left over from three weeks ago. (If only I could control my drinking!) We'll see if its still there six months from now.

My advice to anyone who gets pulled over is LIE. The cops do, and they are accustomed to it. If you say two beers they assume six. Four beers, eight... Tell the court you are not eligible for the diversion program due to a prior that has dropped off your record. I'm not going to say don't drink and drive, but if you're drunk don't drive. There is a difference. Never trust a cop, especially a young one. And lastly, eat bacon, kill a pig. Got to go now. Big Brother is watching me.