I cant say it was the first time I was in a court room but I sure as funky chicken hope it will be the last. I kind of knew what to expect, but then again the justice system is fickle and misguided so all was up in the air. I met with my attorney and went over some paper work, including the police report. My lawyer looked out of the corners of her eyes at me as I sat there reading the PIGment on the paper. About the only thing that wasn't distorted was the loss of balance at 22 mississippi. Other than that I was sloshing about and couldn't even stand up without the aid of my van. Yet still I stood on one foot for 22 seconds?!? After some initial here, sign and date there it was time for the hearing.
The bailiff instructed us to rise for the entrance of judge wapner, why I'm not sure. A few cases were called then my name and that of the one representing me. We walk to the front and Lance Ito swears me in. It has changed from what we have all seen on TV. No bible, just raise your hand and swear to tell the truth. Fortunately there was no SO help me God part. Reason #1 being that we have different gods, and the bible refers to Satan as the god of this system of things. THIS SYSTEM. The very one that is doing the hand washing above board after giving hand jobs for the highest bidder under the table. Reason #2, with as much anger and disgust as I had/have inside of me for this system I would probably have gone all Peter Tosh on the court. Those of you who know know what I mean. I had previously told my attorney that I just wanted to plead guilty and get it over with. However, when she attended my arraignment it was suggested that I could qualify for a diversion program. So at this time judge Keene, or was it Older, ask me questions about my record, on which there is nothing. (yet in his hands he holds a copy of my FBI file. Yes even if you have a clean record if you have ever been arrested for a felony, even if the charges were dropped, the charge sticks with you forever just to bias the justice system. It was just another concoction to pads the arrest stats of the LAPigD.) So after informing me that I must plead guilty and follow the rules of the program for a year, he admonished me to keep on the straight and narrow (thought I was) and let me know how fortunate I was to have such a great opportunity. So I walk out a...free...man. No jail time as long as I get with the program and stick with it. Oh yeah, and no fines either , altho at this point I am already $2108.00 in the hole with only half of that lwayers fees. Sounds like a good deal doesn't it? Just wait for Pig Circus part IV, flaming hoops before you answer that.
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