PIG CIRCUS PART II

So on this the eve of the 40th anniversary of the killings at the Polanski residence I must suggest a book entitled "Cusifixtion, the Railroading of Charles Manson". Now I'm not saying that his hands were clean, but neither were they as bloody as the DA reported. Even to this day he still insist that Helter Skelter was the motive despite the fact that Doris Tate, the mother of Sharon, and Susan Atkins, one of the killers say that the concocted helter skelter theory was off the mark. But on to the pig system circus.

Back in may I took a trip to Oregon. I must say that I had a great time hitting different breweries. The last place I hit was the McMinamins in Lincoln City. I strolled in shortly after three, and strolled back out at eight. As always their beers were good. I started with the hefeweizen, then had the copper (eat my lead you dirty coppers) ale. Time then for the fish and chips. For some reason I tend to pair it with an ESB most of the time, and this was no exception. In fact I had two with this meal. For dessert I had the IPA. Again quite tasty. Last on the itinerary was the barley wine. This was by far the best beer of the day. So good that I ordered some garlic bread and one final glass of this sensational ale. If you ever have the chance I suggest, no, I insist that you have at least one. Altho it was early I thought it best to go back to the van and call it a nite.


I appears as tho it was too early and of course I could not fall asleep. After tossing and turning for half an hour I decided I would head to Salem about ninety miles away. It was a nice mellow drive thru the country. I got to Salem and decided that in order to avoid the a.m. commuters I would head up the 205 up past the Portland metro area. About thirty minutes later I finally started to get tired. as I came upon an off ramp I saw a McDonalds along with a couple of gas stations. Perfect, I'll crash, have breakfast, top off the tanks and hit the road again. So I made an abrupt exit and headed down the ramp. as I start to go across the street I see some flashing lights come on behind me. Wasn't really sure what I was getting pulled over for but I wasn't too concerned.

License, registration, and proof of insurance please (I doubt he said please)
Here you go
Where are you headed to
I was just going to park in the McDonalds lot and crash for the nite
Have you had anything to drink today?
Yeah, I had a few beers a couple hours ago (by this time it was 10:40 or 20 to 11, 2211, get it?)
At this point I figured he was going to cut me loose, tell me to park across the street and spend the nite at camp Micky Dees.
Would you step out of the vehicle please? (again please...not sure)
I hopped out and stood at the front of my van talking to the cop for a couple minutes.
Paul I'd like to have you step up on the sidewalk and do a couple field sobriety test.
Sure, no problem
Long story short it was the heal toe test. I made it to step eight of nine before I stepped of the line. (Buffalo Springfield FOR WHAT ITS WORTH...step out of line and the man come and take you away). Seemingly dissatisfied with that he told me to put my arms at my side, hold my right foot out (do the hokey pokey and shake it all about) 8 to 10 inches off the ground and count one mississippi, two mississippi, three... so I got to 22 and raised my arms to keep from losing my balance. Oh well, I figure in school I would have gotten a C+ so it was alright. Again we talked for a couple minutes. I not sure if he was trying to make up his mind as to what to do, but eventually he said
Paul at this time I'm going to place you under arrest for driving under the influence of intoxicants.
Before he had his cuffs of his belt I was turned around with hands behind my back. I was probably the most cordial and cooperative bust this guy ever had. At this point I just figured this was a big hassle and once they took me in for a breathalyzer I would be released. Oh yeah, the reason I was pulled over was for crossing into the emergency lane when I made my exit.

So at the station came all the procedures. The cop commented that five minutes before my shift was to end I had to get a DUI. Without any sarcasm I said that I was sorry to have ruined his nite. when the time came to take the breath test I started to get a little suspect of the cops. I requested a call to a lawyer. Funny how attitudes change when you mention lawyer. I managed to get a hold of one and he said just take the test. You will have your licence suspended either way. So I did, and as I sat there I saw the numbers 000 come up. I thought See, time to cut me loose. Some how I was wrong and the print out said that I blew a .15. This was at 11:50, almost three hours finishing my last beer!


Now to put things in perspective 150 pounds, 7 drinks over five hours. according to www.moderation.org that would have put me at .09. As to whether or not that factors in eating and drinking water I don't know. Now if you add two and a half hours to that I would have been well below .08.(their charts only go to six hours) Even just that half hour that I tried to sleep would have put me under the legal limit. Now one may say that regardless of my opinion I still failed the field test. Sure I did. With a spot light, flashing lights, several cops and onlookers watching nerves can get the better of you. Even professional athletes choke. Now lets look at the performance of the pig that was supposedly sober. On one ticket that he fills out multiple times a day he wrote down the wrong date twice, and put down the color of my hair as brown even tho both on my license and head it is blond. Then while booking me and asking the any tattoos...piercings question, he then looked me in the face and asked me if I had any visible scars!
I just pointed.

Any hoo, years ago they would let a person go when a sober ride was found, but it seems as tho too many people headed straight to the hospital to have unbiased blood or urine test take only to have contradictory results. Also I have heard of several instances where the calibration of the breathalyzer was challenged and the results were thrown out due to faulty readings. If this hadn't happened 250 miles from home things would have been a lot easier to organize, but at that time my main concern was getting my van out of impound and heading home

For the last fifteen plus years I have been playing it straight, by the book as close as some one like me can. Yeah I've had my moment of mischief, but all in all made great changes. I had even gotten to the point of, maybe not respecting but possibly empathizing with the cops. Never again. Its back to my rules. I won't be dishonest or disrespectful, but cooperation and politeness are gone. Empathy?! Forget you. Hatred and disdain. I got what I didn't ask for, they will get whats theirs.

Maybe this could all be solved with a beer summit.

Stay tuned for Pig Circus Part III