Often times children are afraid of Santa Claus. Personally I wasn't but I lived in great fear of a Santa Claus effigy. When I was a wee lad my Grandma had this mechanical santa that she got from, I believe, Gimbels. He had an arm that would move his glasses up to his eyes so that he could read his naughty or nice list. She would have it sitting on a lower landing of the stairs right inside of the main entrance. This thing was freaky and creepy. I wouldn't look at it. I would close my eyes or shield them with my hand. Things soon went from bad to worse...Santa moved in with us. He lived down in our basement tucked away in a corner. I just didn't trust this guy. He seeped into my psyche, and then the dreams, rather nightmares began.
My mom would ask me to go downstairs to retrieve some meat from the freezer. Hesitantly I would go, putting myself with in a few yards of this creature. Out of the corner of my eye I would see a movement. It appears as tho I was on his naughty list. At that first twitch it was lickety split time. A mad dash to the stairs followed by a panic driven ascent. Sometimes I made it up clean. Other times he would manage to take my feet out from under me, but in a scramble I would end up on the kitchen floor kicking the door shut behind me. Thats just one more reason not to celebrate xmass. One minor dyslexic episode and Santa becomes Satan. Coincidence?
Lately tho I have been having a dream where I am the tormentor. About every other month I have this dream where I am strangling this girl. My hands around her neck squeezing and shaking. Right when the body is about to go limp I let go. To me this one is obvious. It also shows me that in the fury of the moment I can be a very evil person. We all have that in us no matter how much we try to deny it. If the right buttons are pushed we can all snap. However, if reality, as in the case of my repeating dream, has time to look us in the face before the dastardly deed is completed, our internal moral majority wins out...
Heavy man, heavy.
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