Sun, Snow, Sand, & Seagulls

It was a day like any other winter day in L.A., sunny with a blanket of snow on the Angeles crest. A couple of the Contreras brothers, Dale Keyes and I headed up into the mountains to play in the snow. After a few hours of sliding down ravines, nailing each other with snowballs, and smoking pot thru even more snowballs we decided to head back down the hill. Next stop the beach. We were sitting on a section of beach just north of Santa Monica participating in our favorite past time. Yeah, even tho we were back at sea level we were still pretty high. Then we noticed these noises in the sand,poof, poof, poof. To find out what it was we only had to look up. There was a giant flock of seagulls dropping bombs on us. This was both scary and funny. We scattered about, holding our guts in fits of laughter, trying to run across the loose sand. I only wish I could have been an outsider watching this scene unfurl. The Keystone cops spend a day at the beach. Fortunately I can report that there were no casualties.

It does make me wonder how many people get hit with bird poop. I know that my mom did once, and Edgar on "The Deadliest Catch". But that is only two people out of the thousands that I have known. I hope I didn't just put a curse on myself. After all there are a lot of seagulls around here. Even scarier than that are the geese. Their turds are bigger than a chihuahuas.

The sound of a pump action shotgun

We have all heard it. Whether it is in person, or on the television or movie screen. It is a sort of muted crescendo. A dramatic scene ending with a chk-chk. Now imagine hearing that sound just a couple feet behind your head. A rather discomforting thought isn't it? Now imagine that it is four o'clock in the morning, you're sleeping in Dearborn park in Northridge CA and are awoken by that sound. I must admit my initial reaction was "oh s...". In a tenth of a second a scramble ensued and I found myself running across the park... in a fit of laughter. As it turned out the sound wasn't made by a shotgun, but rather a giant rain bird sprinkler that was just a few feet a way from me. Everywhere I looked I saw great steams of water erupting from the grass. Hurriedly I hopped out of my sleeping bag, picked up my back pack and ran for dry land. Running just seconds after waking is not that easy. Couple that with laughing and getting nailed by a few high pressured blast of cold water and you have the makings of another odd ball game show. Believe it or not that was not the only time I found myself running and laughing, but this other time I allude to occurred on sand with a sense of, well stay tuned for my next post, and another simple day gone wrong.

Think Pink

Last nite I couldn't help but think of Pink Lloyd (bartender at the brewery in pocatello) as I sat at the Ice Harbor Brewing marina location. The bartender brought my dinner to me, and there on the plate were four bacon wrapped tenderloin medalions, cooked rare of course. Let me tell you, if I had money to burn I'd have that every nite. So why does Pink Lloyd come to mind? He is of the opinion that bacon goes good with anything. usually I will argue a point just for the sake of pissing someone off, but here I can't. Bacon is the be all and end all. Peanut butter and bacon on toast, wrapped scallops, tenderloin, shrimp, even celery. So at your next meal, whatever it is, add some bacon and see if it isn't true.

BS

No, It's not what you think it is going to be about. One of my first business ventures was selling bumper stickers. They were quite simple. Black with bold white lettering that plainly stated "Illinois Sucks". Which with exception of the blues, it pretty much does. Come on, Chicago named one of its teams the Cubs! A cute, harmless animal. They are also known as the lovable losers, and even worse, their most ardent fans refer to them as the cubbies. What a vicious opponent.

Needless to say I have come up with many others since then, most of which I have forgotten. (Did I just hear a global sigh of relief?) I'll never forget the day I found out about the meaning of those rainbow stickers. I was in NH at the intersection of Elm and Bridge streets. I was riding with Chris Charuck talking about heading back west. We were stopped at a stop lite when he noticed a car in front of us with a CA plate and said "I'm sure he'd be willing to give you a ride."
"What makes you say that?"
"The rainbow sticker."
"What?"
"Yeah, its a gay symbol."
Well I find rainbows to be a fascinating natural phenomenon and felt a little violated. Maybe that was their intent. In short, I came up with my retort "It takes a bent person to straighten a rainbow". No, not very PC, but since when have I been concerned about that.

We have all seen the "I don't get mad I get even" sticker. My response is "I don't get even I get odd". For the last several years I have been waiting for an oddball super star third baseman to arrive so I can put out my "I'm not out in left field I just play a deep third" sticker. Maybe I could follow Jesse Jacksons lead and come out with an "Uncle Barak Otoma" sticker.

I do like the one The Great Instigator told me about, paraphrasing here, "with the exception of slavery, fascism, and communism, what has war ever solved".

There are lots of them out there, sadly the good ones are forgotten and all we can remember is "honk if you're horny" and "if you get any closer I'll flick a booger on your windshield". Isn't it time we bring back "save gas, fart in a jar"?

NINJA WARRIOR

When it comes to TV challenge shows, wipeout is a washout, and American gladiator already came and went once for a reason. If you're looking for a good one hopefully you get the G4 network. Most of the time it is a nerdy channel directed towards computer and video game geeks, but a couple time a day they show a program from Japan called "Ninja Warrior". It is a contest of physical strength and stamina the likes of which I have never seen before. With contestants ranging from novices to seasoned veterans it gives you cause to laugh as well as cheer on your favorites. You might also check out "Unbeatable Banzuke" which has challenges that test athleticism as well as some less orthodox competitions.

I must say that the Japanese people are crazy...in a good way. For some reason kichigai, crazy, is one of the first Japanese words I learned. It could be coincidence but a few of the other first few words I learned are kanpai, cheers, and yoparai, drunk, as well as akamimi which literally translated means red ear, but in the vernacular of the Japanese youth it means redlines, a designating factor for vintage Levis. So for those of you who have my email address akamimi501 should now make more sense. After a few beers I tend to recall more of what I learned, presumably because I learned it while hanging and drinking with friends from Japan. The first night I went out with a group I discovered just how much they are into beer/drinking. A few times I was bought a 24 oz beer and the people around me started chanting iki iki iki, go go go. I realized that I was to slam the beer, so I did. No rest for the wicked. Time enough for one good burp and there is another beer in front of me. The chant resumes. Three was all I could do, but it was a nite of fun and learning.

Of course I was quite a bit younger then. Were I to try that at this time I am afraid of what the results would be. Age does tend to mellow one. Well, at least most of the time. When you find yourself driving naked you know it is not most of the time. Don't ask.

Jinsei ha kichigai
Kanpai
BWP