CHOPS NOT CHAPS

Some days are just full of surprises. Take this one day back in 1990 for example. Canned Heat was playing at the Palamino in North Hollywood. Now like any good blues advocate I knew that I had to be there. As I pull up I see the marque reading "Tonight, Canned Heat, with Roy Rogers". Everyone knows that the Heat were true road dogs, so I figured that I was in for a real dog and pony show. I was both right and wrong.

I paid the price of admission (and it wasn't as high as the one society charges) and took my seat.
"Ladies and gentlemen, Roy Rogers". Mild applause followed by the sound of jaws hitting the floor. This guy was sliding like Paris Hilton on a KY coated slip and slide.
This man...words cant describe it so I will just have to send you to the video bar at the bottom of the page. I removed a Charlie Manson video for this, so you know I'm not messin' around. Not only is he a phenomenal guitarist, but the was also the one responsible for the resurrection of John Lee Hookers career in the early 90's having produced his collaboration albums, The Healer, and Mr Lucky. He is a lot like the Dead in one way. When you listen to his studio albums you know there is talent there, but live is a whole other story.

As for Canned Heat, what a show. Boogie boogie boogie. What the Heat was, and still is all about. That night the band consisted of "Fito" de la Para, Harvey "the snake" Mandel (who plays lead on Hot Stuff on the Stones Black and Blue album), and Larry Taylor, alias "the Mole", along with a new guitarist/vocalist.

DON'T FORGET TO BOOGIE

Why Do You Keep Calling Me Gary?

Way back, way back, way back, when Howiees on Front was still Stuffs. So far back that it was just a market and deli. You could get a pastrami on rye, kleenex, a candy bar, and your choice of over 100 beers. The only problem was you couldn't drink the beer on the premises. If you'd peek behind the office door you would find a 10x10 foot room with anywhere from 6 to 10 people, joking and enjoying a cold beer. Every now and then the owners would get a temporary permit, plan a party, bring in a band and a couple of kegs and the place would go hog wild.

For one party I was asked to make sure that no one got out of line, took beer outside, whatever. This was before I became a jaded soul and could diffuse situations with a few words and a friendly smile. Back when King Kosher and the Baby Dills were the hottest band in town, and the times were always good. I guess I can only blame myself, for I was the one that brought the poison into the group. Yet how was I to know that someone I considered to be a friend was to ingest it?

Anywho, towards the end of the nite this guy comes up, wants to pay his $5.00, get his two beers that comes with price of admission and split. He introduces himself as Gary middle name, last name, from Texas. So as we're packing up Gary is nursing his beer. Not yet done with his first, his second was poured and he was told that he had about 20 -30 minutes to drink up. In due time we were all ready to go...all except for Gary. Just into his second beer he was told he had to leave. Well out comes the Texan, and the "I paid for this beer blah blah blah", so despite the laws he was allowed to take his beer with him. All is right with the world.

Or was it? Gary made it as far as the middle of the road when he turned around and started yelling. Barry, one of the owners at the time, tries to calm the situation. "Gary, jsut take your beer and go. Isn't that what you wanted?" Then Gary in an inebriated stance, extending his arms, bending forward at the waist cries out "WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING ME GARY?"
"Whats your name" I asked.
"Gary something something from Texas."
"Thats why we keep calling you Gary!"

It may not seem like much, but it still brings a smile to my face.

ROOP SCOOP MANIA

Just got back to work today after a four day hiatus. About the only good thing about my job is that I can take long weekends pretty regularly. I usually take time off to go somewhere, do something, or just drink beer, but last week was different. The rodeo was in town! As soon as I learned of the dates I put in for time off. When I put in the request to my supervisor he asked why I wanted the time off.

"Well you see, I hate cowboys, and I don't want to be in a hotel full of Coors drinkin', skoal dippin', pointy boot wearin' hicks, walkin' around in wranglers that are two sizes too small with belt buckles that interfere with our satellite reception." I let him know (tho he already did) of my problem of controlling my tongue, well knowing that there was no way I could go four days without insulting a cowboy. Before heading out to stock up on beer, dark chocolate, laffy taffy, and holing up in my bunker I did leave these words of advice. "If any of them give you any problems look for that pinch between their cheek and gum. Thats the target."

Not sure when or where my dislike for cow pokers comes from. The furthest back I can remember was when I was living in OR. My friend Matt liked to go to this hick bar to play the poker machines. I'd sit at the bar and force down a couple Michelob darks. Yeah, that was the best they had. There would always be these tough acting fancy hat wearing fools. I would comment on how pretty the silver tips on their boots were. One would ask if I was trying to be funny. "No, I think its great the way they match your belt buckle, but whats your mama gonna do on thanks giving when she discovers her serving tray missing?" Well at about that point I have to look over my shoulder and ask Matt to watch my beer because these cowboys want to kick my ass. So this 6'4", 260 pound Indian says "Sure, I'll even get you a fresh one". Funny how the tables turn when the tables are turned.

Gives a whole new meaning to the term Cowboys and Indians. Not just a game for kids. One can only hope that they have enough munitions to do each other in. Now don't start whining!

CNN Headline Snooze

Headline news used to be a God send for an insomniac. 2 or 3 in the morning, sitting in an easy chair with the news repeating. Over and over, requiring no focus. Eventually you doze off. But now half way thru the day it turns into tabloid television. You get some Hollywood show, and then....Nancy Grace and Glen Beck. Its like a horror movie. These two aren't hosting talk shows, they're acting. Over acting.

I watched Glen Beck once for five minutes. As if his diatribe wasn't bad enough, he used finger quotation marks SIX FREAKIN TIMES! He actually make Bill O'Riely seem tolerable. Well, almost. What has become of TV news? I need something to put me under, not raise my blood pressure. Finger quotation marks? What kind of guy does that? Getting pissed off just thinking about it. Gotta go.

Free Real Estate

Yeah, its my newest business venture. I know what you're thinking, "why now, the market sucks".
Well, yes, the housing market does suck, but I have realized potential in another area of property sales...bridges.

You see, I've been watching the news the last couple of days and I took notice of how gullible people are. The tip off, Obama. How can one not see through that cheap veneer to see the megalomaniac that lies beneath. If he has to distance himself from any more associates (his wife should be next) we will see him on the next season of Survivor. I guess it's just another instance of everyone wanting to be different together. But wait, there's more.

Has anyone ever noticed that Hillary looks like a dummy? No, a real dummy sitting on a ventriloquists knee. She has these lines that go straight down from the corners of her mouth.
An impressive act would be McCain doing the talking for her while keeping those apples in his mouth.

So who would I vote for? None of the above. First of all they're all professional politicians regardless of what Obama says. Second, anyone so arrogant to think that they are the right person to run this country, and in great part the world, will only become monstrous when in office. Recent history proves that. Republican, democrat, both labels that mean little. They all have good and detestable qualities. My choice, Lou Dobbs. Though I don't always agree with him and end up shutting him off when my blood pressure rockets, he does have concerns for America, and Americans. Real concerns that affect every day life. Maybe all candidates should have to have a daily news show for at least a year. That way there is no way for them to hide their true feelings.

Aahhh!Kill 'em all.
Charlie for President


So a couple hors after I posted this I turned on CNN. They had Barak Obama talking aboutthe start of the Iraq war. He said that Bushes decision should have been based "more on intelligence and less on public opinion". First off, as a front runner he should be defending public opinion, and be grateful for the lack of intelligence. Second, isn't the majority public opinion what our elected officials are supposed to follow?

dadisms

Every dad has them. Those words or phrases that he uses in certain situations. I remember when politicians would come on the radio or television my dads favorite names were Flannel Mouth, and Cement Head. When my brother and I would get in trouble, or do something nonsensical we'd hear the refrain, "ach, you rummies". Didn't know what he meant at first, but after considering the circumstances I realized that we were a couple of knuckleheads. Every now and then I'll be watching a movie from the 40's and hear some one being called a rummy.

My personal favorite, and the one that hit the nail on the head was, "You're as handy as a rubber crutch". Well yeah, I may be useless, but you have to admit, I sure can be a lot of fun.

There are others that I can't recall at this time, but I do know this much, "If I had all of your money I'd throw mine away."

ONE MINUTE YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE IN PAIN AND THE NEXT YOU'RE LAUGHING

Its been a while since I've posted anything, but its not because I haven't had anything to say. It's a combination of the insomnia and the whirling dervish think tank inside my head. Seems as tho my head never stops spinning. No apparent off switch. If it looks as tho I have a head ache its Dorothy's ruby shoes scraping my cerebral cortex. If I'm laughing for no apparent reason it is Toto's tail tickling my temporal lobe. Not sure why it is. What it is. Or how it is. But this is...

IT

As it swirls in your head
Its making you dizzy
You count grains of sand
Just to keep your mind busy

You forget to remember
When you remember to forget
42 quixotic years
And its not over yet

The thoughts that you think
Your mind it can't handle
They rush out your ear
And blow out the candle

You cant seem to focus
Your lite has walked out
In this cold dark cavity
You drown in your doubt

A familiar unknown voice
Says its not all that bad
But every sentence you use
Contains the word had

In a nutshell thats "IT"
Don't remember all of "IT", and had to adjust some numbers,
but thats where "IT" is at.
reminds me of Van Morrison, A Night In San Francisco
"Thats where its at pretty baby, thats where its at."

The Butler Did It

So last nite I was at work vacuuming the hallways, wondering if I should bake some cookies before I get interrupted with running shuttles. Suddenly out of nowhere came a thought I'd never thought I'd think. Well, I had thought of some of these. See at the hotel you have a bunch of ingrates who don't appreciate the effort that people put forth to keep the facilities clean. You vacuum and they drag in dirt. Clean the windows and two minutes later theres finger prints. Give them toilet paper and shortly there after you're unclogging a toilet. Surely these people cant be this way at home.

Thats when it hit me. They aren't. So why not become a butler. Many of the jobs I have had cover the duties of a butler, so why not do the work for someone, somewhere who will appreciate it? So I came home a googled "become a butler". Well, seems as tho people take this concept a little more seriously than myself. Schools with classes about table settings, menu preparation, how to open a bottle of champagne! But I haven't given up the idea. There must be plenty of wealthy families that could uses some English speaking domestic help that isn't as stuffy as Mr. French. Think of how many couples are to busy to have children, let a lone clean, cut the grass, take the clothes to the cleaners, etc... And the funniest part of all is the thought of me living in Bel Air, possibly in the guest house at the old 10050 Cielo Dr location.

Imagine me behind the wheel of a Bentley or Roller. "Mr. Polanski, would you mind if I picked up this hitch hiker?"

THOUGHTS ON PEOPLE

"People, people who need people, are the luckiest people in the world." When I sing that song I make one minor adjustment, luckiest to sorriest. Needless to say I don't find myself singing that song much, but I do blurt out the following Tom Waits lyrics quite often. "I don't need anybody 'cause I've learned to be alone. Anywhere I lay my head I call my home." The older I get the more I agree with that sentiment. You know, friends come and go, so you do have to be your own best friend. As for myself, I joke and laugh a lot with myself. I don't need to explain my jokes, or myself for that matter.

So...tired
More on my disdain for people later