Three Pieces of Paper

Of all the things that have come and gone in my life there are three pieces of paper that I wish I still had. In my mind they were suitable for framing and articles that not many people ever possess. Two of them came on the same occasion. I was taking a trip from So Cal to see my family in Wisconsin. So being a man of leisure I decided to head up the coast to Canada, then cut across our neighbor to the north, finally dropping back down into the states, destination Milwaukee. All went well until I got to the border. First was customs. You see, the irony here is that the bad thing was that I had ran out of pot. If I still had some I would have had my pipe in mind. So that was discovered in my backpack. First piece of paper: Surrendering one rosewood hashish pipe to the crown.

Next stop, immigration. I could hear Grahm Nash singing as I stepped to the counter. Looking at the agent I thought he might be sympathetic to my plight seeing as tho he was Asian. He asked for id, I gave him the very same Cal id that I have in my wallet today. He asked me what my reason was for visiting Canada. "Well I'm going to Wisconsin to visit my family and you guys have been running this ad in America to come see our friends next door (or however they worded it), so here I am." "Do you have means to support yourself while in Canada?" Sure did. I was feeling pretty good, but I got no sympathy from the devil. Second piece of paper: Refusal of Admittance to Canada.

My next piece of paper came from right here in the good old USA. It was 1988, an election year. I thought I would be a good citizen and register to vote. So I fill out the appropriate paperwork and hurah, God Bless Mickey Mouse, and all that other roop scoop rubbish. A few weeks later I go to my mailbox and pull out a letter from some govt. agency. So curiosly I opened it up. Paper #3: Denial of my right to vote. Their reason being that my address wasn't a residence. Now here's truth, justice, and the American way. Had I lied, like a politician, and given a friends address I could have voted. Then in 89 and 90 helping the homeless became hip in Hollywood.

Shortly after that I was sitting in the back of my Corvair van with one or two of the Contreras brothers, and Jason and his bongos, smoking a footlong joint. Someone said something about the stupid things that people are allowed to do and my retort was "and I cant vote". Jason hit a beat and people interjected stupid laws or moronic current events all followed by "and I cant vote". The real twist to this story came months later when I received a notice for jury duty. I responded with a polite decline stating "seeing as tho I have been denied a say in the life of my country I feel I should not have a say in the life of my country man".

Haven't heard from the government since then, and I like it that way. As for Canada, whens the last time you possessed the Stanley Cup? Hows that for payback!?!